


She Never Wanted To Leave.

by sarahoftarth



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Acceptance, F/M, Jenny of Oldstones - Freeform, Sad with a Happy Ending, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 09:36:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18601870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahoftarth/pseuds/sarahoftarth
Summary: Based on the song Jenny of Oldstones, except Brienne is Jenny.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTa1jHk1Lxc





	She Never Wanted To Leave.

**Author's Note:**

> I am saaaaaaad, I have cried everyday since Sunday so by now i'm basically pre-crying for this Sunday!  
> I do apologise in advance, I hope you make it to end, it has a sweet ending I promise.

* * *

 

After the devastating battle of Winterfell had ended, without anything to keep her there, Brienne returned back to her home island of Tarth. It was a long miserable journey, alone with her thoughts, constantly remembering the death and destruction until she sobbed herself to sleep - only to wake again an hour later screaming in floods of tears.  

As soon as she set foot on the island, her childhood came flooding back. Her father, sisters and brother who she had for so long pushed to the back of her mind, the beautiful Evenfall Hall and the staff that helped raise her. The days she'd spent training on the yards, she felt her arm tingle remembering the aches of carrying the heavy swords, the bulky armour that she knew she had to get used to because one day that's all she would wear. 

All the training she did, it spanned almost all her life, even becoming a Knight shortly before the war and yet she still couldn't save the ones she loved. The ones she fought hard to protect, the houses she served and the people who accepted her for who she was. Brienne always thought of herself as a loner, no one ever bothered with her or made an effort but now she really was all alone in the world. No Sansa to guard with her life, no Podrick to train and battle with, no Jaime to hold her close and kiss her goodnight.  

Evenfall Hall was a mess. When she arrived the walls were crumbling, parts of the roofs were missing, the floor uneven. Looking around, death lingered in the air, the iron tang of blood flowed through the wind as it brushed the hair from her face.  

It had been so long since she had been back to Tarth that she felt like a stranger, it took her a while to navigate through the halls to get to the dining hall. The paintings and murals that decorated the walls were cracked, chipped and destroyed but her heart warmed remembering the younger version of herself would get so lost in each individual story they told.  

Letting her hand trail along the bumpy murals as she walked to the centre of the room, the sun had started to set letting the warm orange light shine through the now none existent windows onto her face.  

For a second Brienne just stood, trying to calm her breathing, the waves of sadness becoming harder to hold back. She had never been good at coping with grief, her mother, her siblings, Renly and Catelyn. It had been some years since they had died but she still held the sadness for their passing's, never really coming to terms with her emotions. But now there were more names added to the list that she had no choice; she could feel her heart physically breaking from the loss.  

She could not stop the tears from falling, choking out a sob as she collapsed to her knees. Her chest ached, heavy with sadness but slowly getting lighter with every tear she shed.  

So unfamiliar with these emotions, Brienne shook her head as she could hear murmurs of voices around her. A flash of white caught her eye, and again on the other side. It was a child’s laugh that finally got her to lift her head from her hands, as she opened her eyes the ring of grey that surrounded her started to become clearer, the faces started to form.   

**The ghosts of the ones she had lost.** Her father, his booming voice echoing off the remaining walls. Her baby sisters, Arianne in her father’s arms and Alysanne in the arms of her mother. Though Brienne did not remember her mother from memory, her long flowing blonde hair and piercing blue eyes were too similar to her own. Her little brother Galladon clung to her mother's long leg, burying his face and muffling his laugh against her thigh. The innocence of his age still remained in her memory. Lady Catelyn and King Renly standing side by side, they were unmoving but smiles started to grow on their faces the longer she looked at them. 

**The ghosts of the ones she had found.**  The fire red hair caught her eye almost instantly, Lady Sansa, her tall stature towering over Podrick and Tyrion even more as they stood either side her. They were engaging in conversation, Sansa’s soft laugh floated through the air mixing with Pod’s as Tyrion told them a joke. Tyrion turned towards her; his glass raised high in the air, nodding as he spoke ‘’Ser Brienne’’ leaving a bittersweet smile on her face.  

**And the ghost who loved her the most.** Jaime’s figure took the longest to focus but she recognised him straight away, his golden hand shone in the light. Her eyes filled with tears again, the ache in her heart returned, Jaime’s name got stuck in her throat before she could say it. She longed so much to touch him again, her hand reached forward but it only went straight through him. What she would give to hold him, feel his warm body against hers, even just to comb her fingers through his beard before kissing him softly on the lips. The very few nights they spent together were wonderful and magical but they were not enough, nothing would ever be enough. ‘’Lady Brienne’’ Jaime spoke smugly, a smirk painted on his lips. A chill went through her as she remembered him moaning the words against her skin as he kissed his way down her body.  

She was once again surrounded by the people she loved, her eyes were never still as she took in the faces around her, the hole in her heart mended with every second that passed.  

And in that room is where Brienne stayed, returning every night to where the ghosts of her past would appear, waiting for her. Sometimes she would only look at them, helping her keep the memories alive in her head. Other times she would interact with them, humming a tune as  **they spun her around on the damp old stone, spinning away all her sorrow and pain.**   Their bodies swirling around the room, mixing together until it made her dizzy. It made her happy, it made her forget.  

It worked, for a while, helping Brienne deal with their deaths and the grief she felt. That was when they started to disappear. Her family first, she was so unfamiliar to them now that it was almost easy to say the final goodbye. Catelyn and Renly the next, the guilt she felt for not being able to protect them lifted with them as she watched them fade to black. Sansa, Podrick and Tyrion, her favourite people; a most difficult goodbye. She learned so much more from them than she taught them, the advice she would carry for the rest of her life.  

Jaime’s ghost stayed a while longer than the others, her heartache for him was too hard to face so soon but every night that passed it got easier for her to watch his form disappear. Eventually her time with Jaime’s ghost was no longer sad, only happiness as she remembered him.  

A raven surprised her one day, the Wolf sigil of Stark printed on the scroll, Jon and Arya needed her back in Winterfell. Saying her goodbyes to Tarth was surprisingly easy, even though she grew up on the island it was not her home, it had not been for most of her life now. Brienne was worried what would happen to Jaime’s ghost, would it stay there? Would it follow her to Winterfell? That was the part of her that  **never wanted to leave**. But yet again, nothing was keeping her there either.  

 

**** 

 

The Starks welcomed Brienne back with open arms after her journey, Winterfell was well and truly destroyed, the ruins now lay helpless in the sun now that Winter had passed. The first few nights she settled in her room Jaime returned to her, his ghost only stayed for a few minutes before leaving. And that was how it went from then on, small visits every now and then. Her mind too preoccupied by rebuilding Winterfell that Brienne didn’t realise that he hadn’t visited, it seemed it was getting easier to live without him now.  

Not to say that she never thought about him, every night she dreamt of him and every morning she didn’t want to wake up. Her stomach still fluttered whenever she thought about him, his handsome face and his teasing taunts made her heart swell. She missed him, she wished he was there laid beside her when she woke up every morning, to carry on their journey together wherever it would have taken them.  

There was something different about Jaime’s visit that night, there was no urgency to reach out or to talk to him. Brienne lifted her head from her pillow as he stood by the fire, hand rested on the lionhead pummel of his sword, a sweet smile spread across his face.   

‘’I love you’’ Brienne spoke into the air, closing her eyes as Jaime started to fade away into the night. She was unsure of when he would return to her again but there was no sadness, just excitement for the next time he would visit. 

 

* * *

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this read, it has helped me deal with my emotions for the upcoming episodes.  
> This is not how I think it will end, I am a huge romantic so Brienne and Jaime are obviously going to survive!!!! Right?!
> 
> Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it.  
> As always, comments and critiques are welcome!
> 
> Love, Sarah x  
> -  
> twitter.com/sarahoftarthh  
> sarahoftarth.tumblr.com


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